I have left the North

I was sitting on the bed I’ve been assigned with a pillow comfortably placed behind my back as I rested it towards the shabby wall when it hit me. I’ve called this plain room home for the past 4 months now and it is time to leave it all behind. Over 4 months, a quarter of a whole year.  I have welcomed the opportunity to stay put for a little longer than usual but I will admit that it has felt a bit strange to go this long without swapping location.

This winter has been a lot of things, mostly everything but what I expected from it. I worked with an amazing group of people, I have been able to dig deeper and learn the Bartender trade. I’ve seen some crazy Aurora Borelias, I’ve gone on snowmobile tours and had the pleasure to cuddle with reindeer’s, I even met someone that took me by surprise as he swept me off my feet. I would not in my wildest imagination could’ve guessed that I would leave the Icehotel as someone’s girlfriend.

It was not in my plan, it was not even something that had crossed my mind but I am truly happy with this person and I look forward to what the future will hold, whatever that may be. No matter how long, or short it will be I will cherish every moment and have faith in that if it is truly meant to be, it will be. I guess only time will be able to tell, and I look forward to finding out.

One thing I am proud about, probably the thing I’m proudest about actually is that I survived the winter without getting slapped in the face hard with winter depression, which is something I was worried about. Terrified doesn’t even begin to describe the horror and anxiety I felt when I boarded the plane that would take me further north than I’ve ever been.

Winter depression is something I’ve suffered with during multiple winters and I was even depressed for a period of my life as some of you already know. Although I am grateful because it lead me to the woman I am today the thought of it returning as the winter swept in freaked me out.

But it turns out it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, I have felt some shifts in my mind and I can feel now towards the end of it that I’m more negative and subjective to Drama/Bullshit which is something I normally don’t waste energy on but considering how late this shift in my mind has occurred and how mild it is compared to previous winters I am truly grateful for the past few years of soul-searching and Self-love practice. Clearly I must have done something right because I still feel okay – more than okay actually.

It was truly a magical winter wonderland up there.

So yeah, you can say that the winter season has been quite eventful to say the least, it feels like it’s been a lifetime since I stepped of the plane and watched as the sun rose above the mountains as the crisp air brushed by me, but at the same time it feels like I arrived a week ago.

And for the first time since before I left Eskilstuna, my fingers are flowing. They are crashing down on the keyboards and it feels like they know what to type before I even have the time to form a thought and it makes me so happy that I could cry.

I may not be back in my corner in the café, but this will have to do. I’m back and I hope you stay tuned for more! I’m back in Eskilstuna now and the plan is to stay put for 2 weeks and then venture down south to meet up with the boyfriendo, but if you know anything about me you know that my plans can change fast, haha!

1 Comment

  • Tiffany Toyoda April 12, 2019 at 03:34

    So good to hear that winter treated you rather kindly. Oh man, a month without the sun. A world I cannot imagine. Thanks for letting me have a glimpse of it!


Please feel free to leave a comment, i'd love to hear what you have to say!