A sea of confusion.

Now, after being home a week i think i’m finally earthbound, back to normal so to speak.  Coming home was a lot harder psychologically  than i thought it would be, it almost felt like a slap in the face to be honest, and since this is my own little corner of the world, it’s a place where i’ll always be honest, and writing the truth is a lot easier than speaking it I’ve noticed. 

Coming home, it was like dipping my toes in to a sea of confusion. It was like putting on a pair of shoes that didn’t fit anymore, it was uncomfortable. I felt lost and a bit awkward, stumbling around in shoes that didn’t fit, both figuratively and literally speaking.  It’s strange how things back home felt so similar and so different at the same time. 

When i came home people kept asking me if it was good to be back, good to be home. Of course i always answered yes.. but the question kept echoing inside my head when everyone else had forgotten about it. Was it good to be back? Was i happy to ‘finally’ be home? 

I mean, all of a sudden, i had a room to myself, my laundry was being washed for me (thanks mom), when walking down the street i would run in to people from my past. It was strange, it was like my world turned upside down for a moment, everything was a constant reminder of the life i left behind. I got access to my old things, my old clothes, my old life, it almost felt like i never left, never changed.. I bet it would make everyone a little lost. BUT  i did leave, i did change, and i’m not gonna change back!  

Now, after a week, i can finally say that i’m happy to be back, and i can say it without the little voice in my head questioning my honesty.

It took me a few days, almost a week, to clear my mind and find myself again and i wasn’t gonna write about it at first. But i don’t want to only write about the fun and happy stuff, because life is so much more, and i want to be honest. 

There are 3 solutions to every problem;

Accept it, change it or leave it. If you can’t accept it, change it, if you cant change it, leave it.

Once i  reminded myself of that, that i had the power to not slip back in to old habits, old shoes.. the happier self, the self I transformed in to while I was away, came rushing back to me.

After a few hectic days of running around seeing family and friends, I took the opportunity to really take care of myself and get back in to my routine. So I slept for a solid 8 hours, made myself a good healthy breakfast and spent an hour practicing Yoga. Well needed! Then i spent the afternoon catching up with a friend of mine. It’s important to do what makes you feel good, because when you feel good. You look good. and it’s only human to get a little lost sometimes.

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